From a loving place

Shopgirlove has been thinking a lot about civility lately. She is working in an office where the culture dictates thanking the receptionist after relieving her for breaks. This bears repeating. The people who are covering the front desk as a favor, thank the person at the front desk. They are acknowledging A) that they couldn't do their jobs without her, and B) that she may not feel appreciated. This is not the norm. In most offices, people have a balance sheet and keep score. Honestly, in most human interactions, people have a balance sheet and keep score.

And yet, life is much more pleasant the other way.

So why, Shopgirlove wonders, would we choose to be rude? Is it a post-colonial identity crisis? Are we that insecure? Or are we actually, per the right, suffering from a break-down in family values?

Shopgirlove is not naive, she realizes that rude started well before twenty-first century America. The Romans, after all, coined the term ad hominem. However, it does seem odd that the wealthiest, most powerful country in the history of humanity, should so easily embrace hate speech. Why bother, really? What do we gain? What possible incentive is there to attack the weak when you are strong?

Not that long ago, Shopgirlove was addicted to a reality t.v. series called the Starting Over House. One season, a woman named "T.J." showed up. "T.J." was incapable of self-censorship. Most of what she said was hurtful and unnecessary. Her "Life Coach" gave her a list of questions she had to answer before she could open her mouth.

1) Is what I am about to say helpful?

2) Is what I am about to say necessary?

3) Is what I am about to say from a loving place?

When Shopgirlove shared this with friends and family, most owned up that they would hardly open their mouth given the same guidelines.

What does this say about us?

Given the vitriol online and the calls for a Bloggers' code of ethics, how guilty are we? Are we better or worse than the overall culture?

How does Don Imus compare to Ann Coulter?

Shopgirlove would argue that we, bloogers, are the lightening rod for our peers, A code of ethics for us is about as useful as a code of ethics for this administration...not that she wouldn't sign on to it, because she would.

But things don't look so good from here..............